My husband and I have been married almost 32 years and for the first 20 (give or take) I have tried to ‘fix him’. Unfortunately it just made things worse, much to my confusion. Didn’t he want to know how to make our marriage better? Apparently not.
But I was doing it all wrong.
I needed to learn something – and that is, he thinks he’s fine. Yes he does! And probably so does your son, husband, fiancé, boyfriend, neighbour, boss, father … .
Who is your problem male? Are you trying to fix his erring ways by explaining, pouting, complaining or giving him the silent treatment? How is it working for you? (LOL) I can hear you scream at this … . “It’s not! What’s wrong with him?”
Well girls, God (as always) has our answer. Listen up girlfriend.
Ephesians 5:33 in the Amplified version reads:
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
You and I are waiting for our hubby, bless him, to love us and then we will do our part, right? Wrong. Loving us might be mentioned first but we need to do our part anyway. I have found that male and female language is poles apart. What we think respect is, isn’t what it is, and what they think love is, isn’t love to us.
So what to do? How do you reconcile this age-old dilemma of the human race, men and women married and getting along well?
You and I need a brain change to understand and do the respecting part of the equation. I’ve created an acronym for the word RESPECT to help.
R stands for, you guessed it, RESPECT. It means to honour the man and his role, even when to you, he doesn’t deserve it. When you respect your husband you are speaking his lingo baby. And you show it by thanking him for endeavouring to provide (whether you think he’s doing a good job or not). It’s telling him he’s the best father, because believe me he wants to be (whether he is to you or not). Tell him you respect his efforts and watch his face change right before you.
E is for ENGAGE. His engagement with you is often not what you desire or expect. It’s grunts and yes/no answers. But to him, engaging is standing by him as he hammers in that nail for you, it’s watching the tennis, cricket, action movie … fill in the blanks. That’s how he engages with his mates and he desperately wants you to be in that space with him.
S is for SEX. You knew I’d get to that eventually. It’s the way he meets with you and connects emotionally. If you are depriving him of that, don’t expect a good result. It’s not possible! Have a go at resurrecting this part of your relationship and you’ll begin to see a release in him that’s much, much more than physical.
P is for PEACE and quiet in the home environment. His home is his castle. This is where he fills up and gets restored. Is it peaceful or is it filled with discord? You can influence this in a big way.
E is for ENDEAVOUR. He is built by God to provide or work for you and the family. It’s who he is and how he sees himself. Respect him for whatever he is doing, even if he’s on the dole, but is he trying to get work or has he ever tried? Thank him for his efforts.
C is for CAPTAIN of the ship (home). He is the head and that’s his role, like it or lump it. He deserves your respect for this role so give it to him but of course you can advise and assist. That’s your role. You can even argue but do it respectfully and he might just listen.
T is for THINK. Men, I find, can and do think one thought at a time or, even though you may not believe this dear friend, they can also think of absolutely nothing. Yes nothing. Astounding as that is to you and me, it is indeed possible. He thinks well in a box and can then put that dear little compartment away and move on. You girl don’t do that. But he can, so let him. He’s not really deaf and dumb to your needs. It’s just at that particular moment he’s not thinking of ANYTHING.
Just imagine if you get this today and begin daily to RESPECT your husband! Even more fantastic, imagine if church girls did this and husbands started changing. Wouldn’t your neighbour want what you’re having or doing? I think so.
Let’s give it a go, shall we?